12 Sex Confessions That Are Unbelievably Embarrassing
Sex with a raging sunburn? Not a great idea.
Sure, sex can be steamy, romantic or as kinky as 50 Shades of Grey (you saw the movies, don't lie). But for every mind-blowing sexual encounter, there’s got to be at least one mega fail along the way.
If you’ve ever experienced something hilarious, sad or cringe-worthy in bed, don’t worry, because you’re not alone—the good people of Reddit have taken it upon themselves to share some seriously embarrassing sex confessions of their own. Here are 13 almost unbelievable tales of sexual misfortune that, needless to say, will make you feel better about your own love life.
This guy learned the hard way that sunscreen is really your best friend.
Got super sunburnt while visiting Legoland in San Diego California with my new girlfriend. Later that night, at the hotel during some sexytime, when I climaxed I could feel all the hairs on my shoulders, head and arms suddenly stand up and I screamed in pain!
It’s vitally important to stretch before any and all physical activities. That obviously includes sex.
Finally convinced my gf to try shower sex, immediately slipped and pulled a muscle in my leg to the point I could barely walk. Admitting it and stopping never even crossed my mind.
I told her after. It's been 8-9 years and she still makes fun of me for it and asks how bad it would've had to be for me to stop.
Next time you go to reach for a sex toy, make sure you know how to use it properly (and have an exit strategy in mind).
I've had to fish a butt plug out of a partner's backside once. Note: don't use the silicone ones with flexible stems.
Yes, social media can be the best way to kill time, but, as this guy learned, it’s also the best way to kill the mood.
The other night I told my wife to “like comment and subscribe.”
Even Peter Parker himself would cringe at this one man’s obsession with the web slinger in bed.
Most cringeworthy but I still laugh about it is probably the guy who wanted me to pretend he was Spiderman. He called me Mary Jane, pretended to shoot web to hold my hands in place and started asking me detailed comic book story line questions as he grunted on top of me.
Allergies can strike at any time. That’s why the next time you venture into the woods for some good nature lovin’ you should make sure to bring some allergy medication along.
Had sex in the woods in the middle of the night next to a stream and dim moonlight on top of one of the softest comforters I've ever laid on.
Then I started having an allergy attack.
There’s pleasure, there’s pain, and sometimes they mix. But, don’t ignore the searing pain for long, otherwise, you’ll end up like this guy: unsatisfied and with a huge ER bill to boot.
I was having sex with my gf at the time ... truly enjoying the moment. As we’re both lost in pleasure and passion, I begin to feel as if I’m being stabbed in my side. It instantly becomes unbearable. I push her off of me and throw up immediately. She began to ride again. This time it was with me to the hospital. I had a severe case of kidney stones.
While you should never drink and drive, it may be best to also never drink, and attempt to have sex on a motorcycle.
Sex on a motorbike. The bike fell over (minimal damage) and we fell into nearby bushes. It was a sports bike rather than a cruiser, so had a high center of gravity. Vodka pretends to be your friend but then you find out he's just putting it on and throws you in the bushes.
Here’s one way to ensure he’ll never forget you — break his jaw while you’re having sex. That way, every time he attempts to close his mouth he’ll think fondly of you.
Dislocated my ex fwb's jaw once while he was on top. my arm was uncomfortably pinned and his face was in the way. it still makes a clicking sound when he bites down too hard.
Police officers are here to protect and serve. And sometimes, that means helping your naked butt get on the right side of the road.
Was having sex in a car. A police officer pulls up and my gf pushes me off her and rolls into the space between the seats. So right as he looks through the window with his flashlight i look up at him completely naked and I just freeze. He looks at me and says "sir did you know you are parked on the wrong side of the road?" And like immediately I say "ill move it, ill move it" completely surprised. My gf refused to ever get out of that spot.
Love really can conquer all, and that includes all sorts of bodily fluids.
My partner has an ileostomy bag, which has never caused any problems in the bedroom before the night in question. We had had quite a bit to drink, and we were going at it with him on top of me, in the pitch black. In the end, he finished himself off pretty much all over my face/torso. I commented that there seemed to be an extraordinary amount of cum covering me...lights on...turns out it's shit. And cum. I couldn't stop laughing.
Sex can make some people green with envy. It can also turn you just plain green.
Funniest sexual experience with another person: the debauched, drunken hookup after seeing the wizard of oz with an actor who had played a citizen of the emerald city. He still had green makeup all over him, including spray-painted chest hair. Goddamn, I love theatre parties.
Mood lighting is key. Total darkness is just a bad idea.
I was getting hot with my lady friend at the time. I got up in the dark room to get a condom from her desk. She had the chair pulled out and I caught the corner of it with the tip of my raging cock. Sexy time ended there, it hurt. LIGHTS ON!!!
tldr; I walked dick first into a chair corner.
It’s all about the motion in the ocean, so just make sure you know which way the tide is turning.
My boyfriend at the time hit himself in the balls when he meant to smack my ass. His roommate and friends downstairs heard him scream.